Saturday, October 31, 2009

Psychic with an international reputation

The main intersections in Johannseburg are nodes of commercial enterprise - people walk up and down the lines of waiting traffic collecting for charities (which may or may not exist), selling a wide variety of goods - phone chargers, soft drinks, fruit, mirrors, paintings, toys, footballs - and handing out flyers for any number of services. Yesterday I was given a flyer - purple and green text on a blue background - which extolled the gifts of PROF. LUMUMBA AND .ALI (sic), "psychic with an international reputation" who can, apparently by checking through water and a mirror, tell you all your problems before you mention them. Their specialities include:
  • bring back your lover even if you broke up long ago
  • remove the bad spell from your life which keeps taking money away from you
  • ensure that a single person gets a perfect partner in a shortest time
  • attract customers into your business and turn your trade into a favourite among clients
  • Masai root joice for weight loss
  • Masai remedy xtra for enlarging the breasts to size "D" naturally
  • Masai remedy for tightening the breasts making them smaller and firm to the size of your choice permanently
  • remove witchcraft, curse or haunting and send them back to your enemy
  • make you see your enemies in the mirror and make demands on them
  • recover stolen property
  • bring super natural luck into your life to win chance games like lotto, casino, dice, black jack machines, etc
  • Masai gel for men, mainly intended to enlarge the penis both in girth and length naturally making it big to the size of your choice and strong
  • and many more."
An initial consultation costs a mere 100 rand - about nine euros. This is certainly fantastic value, but I have to confess that the sheer range of expertise on offer makes me a mite skeptical; but perhaps that's just my cynical side coming out.

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