Psychic with an international reputation

The main intersections in Johannseburg are nodes of commercial enterprise - people walk up and down the lines of waiting traffic collecting for charities (which may or may not exist), selling a wide variety of goods - phone chargers, soft drinks, fruit, mirrors, paintings, toys, footballs - and handing out flyers for any number of services. Yesterday I was given a flyer - purple and green text on a blue background - which extolled the gifts of PROF. LUMUMBA AND .ALI (sic), "psychic with an international reputation" who can, apparently by checking through water and a mirror, tell you all your problems before you mention them. Their specialities include:

• bring back your lover even if you broke up long ago
• remove the bad spell from your life which keeps taking money away from you
• ensure that a single person gets a perfect partner in a shortest time
• attract customers into your business and turn your trade into a favourite among clients
• Masai root joice for weight loss
• Masai remedy xtra for enlarging the breasts to size "D" naturally
• Masai remedy for tightening the breasts making them smaller and firm to the size of your choice permanently
• remove witchcraft, curse or haunting and send them back to your enemy
• make you see your enemies in the mirror and make demands on them
• recover stolen property
• bring super natural luck into your life to win chance games like lotto, casino, dice, black jack machines, etc
• Masai gel for men, mainly intended to enlarge the penis both in girth and length naturally making it big to the size of your choice and strong
• and many more."
  

An initial consultation costs a mere 100 rand - about nine euros. This is certainly fantastic value, but I have to confess that the sheer range of expertise on offer makes me a mite skeptical; but perhaps that's just my cynical side coming out.